What loving someone who didn’t love me back taught me about, well, love…

Unrequited love hurts. Seeing potential in someone — in something — when they can’t see it in themselves, hurts. So how do you let go, move on, and find the lesson amidst the heartbreak?

Yep, sometimes it stinks.

Firstly, you have to get to the bottom of how you could love someone who doesn’t love you back. Why you thought it was OK to keep turning up, day after day trying to convince someone that you were “enough”.

To move on and to move forward, you need to get to the guts of what drove you to such behaviour in…

Avoid having regrets when the hammer falls.

I’ve made plenty of questionable decisions in my life...

  • I drank 10 Irish car bombs in a backpacker’s hostel in Killarney.
  • I slept on a park bench in Berlin in the middle of winter.
  • I wore a silk skirt in the middle of summer and lived to tell the tale of sweaty butt cheeks on vinyl bus seats.
  • I dated an alcoholic.
  • I gave birth without drug relief.
  • I thought, for a very long time, that ugg boots were acceptable out-of-the-house footwear (OK, I still do…).
  • I broke a guy’s nose in a pub. (He deserved it).

But none of…

In the era of online dating, where it seems we’re all playing a game of hokey pokey — one foot in and one foot out — how do we retrain our brains to go for the people who are actually good and good for us?

I often say “I just want a Nice Guy”. But what do I do when he shows up and I don't have that instant spark?

I generally only date men who make my pants miraculously fall off at first sight. Fact. Physical chemistry is one of the top five things I look for in a partner — always has been. (Along with loyalty, respect, a killer sense of humour and an aversion to chinos and boat shoes).

But, approaching my mid-30s, with a divorce and a couple of relationships that “failed to launch”, I’m beginning to wonder if putting all…

Her next book should be, ‘Dare to Date’

If you don’t know of her, well, it’s nice to see you out from under your rock.

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston. She’s spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Much of her work is based on her finding that the path to courage is through vulnerability, and that courage is the cornerstone to great leadership.

I think courage is also the cornerstone of dating.

Putting yourself out there, time and time again. Telling your story. Being judged by what you say, what you wear and how much you drink…

I’ll just have the one. I’m trying to cut back.

I’ve been a Brené fangirl since her Ted Talk…

Why oh why do I ignore the early signs? Am I a slow learner or an eternal optimist?

I’m a positive person. An optimist. I choose to see the best in everyone. It’s usually a wonderful trait to have, but when it comes to dating, it does leave me a little vulnerable to ignoring — and even permitting — bad behaviour.

There are many instances during the last four years of my ‘dating career’ where I have ignored my ‘wise self’ — ie my gut, that little voice in my head, that niggling feeling that it just isn’t quite right — and proceeded into a relationship despite very early, very bright, waving in the breeze like an American…

This isn’t a thinly veiled attempt to make crass banana puns, but a theory I have spent much thyme developing.

I grew up in the country, so I’m used to eating fruit and vegetables at their freshest. My Pop used to say the sweetest apples were the ones with grubs in them — because those slimy little fuckers knew what they were doing. (Again, a lot like dating…)

But the truth is, the produce we grew up eating didn’t look a whole lot like what I see in the supermarket these days. Perfectly round oranges; apples shinier than an Indian fast-bowlers cricket ball; carrots without a lump, bump or blemish in sight.

Hear me out when I say this —…

When you’re dating, is persistence a positive trait? Or is it more likely to have them running for the hills screaming, “Stop going through my garbage you insane motherfucker!”?*

Persistence /pəˈsɪst(ə)ns/ | noun

  • Continuing in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.
  • The continued or prolonged existence of something.

Synonyms: perseverance, tenacity, determination, resolve, resolution, resoluteness, staying power, purposefulness, firmness of purpose, patience, endurance, application, diligence, dedication, commitment, doggedness, steadfastness, tirelessness, stamina…

By definition it doesn't sound overly sexy, does it?

You: Jane, how did you and Michael end up together?

Jane: Well, he was really persistent. One day I just gave in and thought ‘bugger it’ — at least if I agree to go out with him he’ll eventually leave me alone.


In the brave new world of online dating, we’ve finally found something worse than no-shows and dick-pics. The most dreaded treatment of all…Ghosting.

An actual scene from my bed, as he disappears into the night and eventual oblivion…

The kids call it “ghosting”. Up until recently, it wasn't something I’d experienced. And in all honesty, I thought it was a new fan dangle sex position that the polyamorous crowd had coined to describe when the third person jumps out from behind a curtain. It is not.

Here’s the thing — at least Casper was a friendly ghost. He had manners — he wasn't out to hurt anyone. These days you’re lucky to get a pat on the back and a ‘thanks for coming’ (pardon the pun — and again, only if you’re lucky…) when parting ways with a…

Save yourself time and heartache with these three fail-safe strategies for spotting an incompatible partner.

NOTE: This article is a dramatisation of the long and often ridiculous pre-requisites some of us have created in the search for love. I felt the need to explain that on the off-chance someone thinks I’m being serious. (The only part I’m serious about is the nachos rule — that is truly a game-changer).

How to spot an incompatible partner — three simple rules to live by.

How they order their coffee

  • Espresso — they’re direct, they know what they want, they’re driven, busy and they don’t mess about. …

Find out what makes you tick and why…

I’ve been through a bit of a tough time lately. Faced with big decisions and struggling with making the ‘right’ choices. I’ve always been a bit of a planner — I like to know what’s expected of me and I like to know what to expect. Except, of course, nothing in life is ever guaranteed (except death, taxes and an underwhelming finale to your favourite TV show. I’m looking at you Game of Thrones…).

I’ve written before about my family unit — my son spends some of the week with me and some with his dad, step mum and baby…

Loz Writes

Chronic over-sharer. Graphic language lover. Aspiring coffee addict. Highly functioning single person. Mum. Animal enthusiast. Don’t like much music post 1989.

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